Goodbye to Amy Winehouse

I couldn’t not say anything about Amy because when a death occurs like hers it brings me back to Ryan’s death.  I will never forget the five hours outside his apartment watching the police shadows  in the window moving around behind the closed door.  My hands shake again, thinking about that time.

I have never felt so helpless in my life.  When my sister was diagnosed with breast cancer, the first thing I thought of was, “What is the next step? What do we do now?”  There was always a surgery or treatment plan until the very end and by that time, I had accepted the fact that I was going to lose her.

With Ryan’s death, there was no time for plans.  I had no chance to do anything.  Helpless, helpless, helpless.

Amy Winehouse left a lot of signs and cries for help but it was still impossible for anyone to help her.  That must be a very helpless feeling for her family and friends.  I have heard from other parents who have children on drugs and are afraid for their lives.  Yet, there is nothing that can be done.  I have met parents who have tried everything they could and still lost their child to drugs and suicide.

There are no simple answers and it is easy to blame the people around but really, I don’t know what can be done.

I know if I had the chance I would do whatever I could to help Ryan, but I never got the chance.  I think either way, the people left behind from overdose or suicide are left with guilt.

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