Endings and Beginnings

William on his way

Summer is ending, winding down now (hurricane season is beginning).  William is leaving today to go back to school down South.  I haven’t seen very much of him all summer because he has been fire fighting and we have had a record high of heat and forest fires. But at least when he was off fighting fires, I knew he would be back in a week or two and yes that was probably the most stressful job for a mom he could have picked.  I think I did pretty good in dealing with it.  William has an adventurous spirit so I am sure there will be more stresses ahead but I don’t want to stop him.  I want him to leave the nest and fly, drug free!

He left Saturday morning driving his car, which he inherited from Ryan.  I made him pose for some pictures because I don’t have any pictures of Ryan with his car.  William is off to his beginning of another school year, possibly the last one depending on what he decides.  I am so excited for him, I feel like its me who’s going off to college!

I have been through a lot of good-byes with William.  After my divorce, William chose to go and live with his father, later moved back with me and then moved back with his father.  I did not want to make my children feel guilty or bad about where they lived because divorce is hell on kids.  There were many times when I looked in his empty bedroom and cried.  Now, I am happy that we all get along and the boys spend a lot of time at their dad’s house.  In three years it will be the ending of high school years for Andy and Ben and the beginning of another new era for us all.  Don’t want to think about that yet! 

We all go through endings during this journey on earth, whether it is the end of school, end of a marriage, end of a job or end of a life.  With those come the beginnings of something new.  Change is scary.  The beginnings are something new to adjust to.  My life after Ryan died is different from the life before Ryan died but I am adjusting to it and, with every breath I breathe, Ryan will remain alive in me.

My boys are all doing okay.  I was not sure what would happen to us all when Ryan died.  So when I look at them and see them working, playing and planning their futures, it fills me up with gratitude.  We can do it!!

Me and my boysWill off to college


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