Jesus felt betrayed, forsaken and abandoned. He felt alone and in a very dark place. I’ve been there. I can relate to Jesus. I was taught that Hell is a place where there is no God. That’s why it’s Hell. God is not there. I’ve been there too! I’ve been to Hell!
I remember it well and I don’t want to ever go back there if that is possible. The moment I knew my son was gone from this world, gone from me, forever, I felt the aloneness. I felt abandoned. I wondered if there ever had been a God. Was it just wishful thinking?
God, why? Why Ryan? Are you there? Why have you abandoned me?
Quietness. Silence. Stillness.
All I can hear is the beating of my heart. Stop beating. Why are you still beating? Why don’t you stop?
God is not here anymore.
The pain is here. An ache so strong inside that threatens to break my head in two pieces. The pain is real. It fills the emptiness inside.
It chokes the air from my lungs and clouds my eyes. I cannot see anything in front of me.
Why have you forsaken me?
Yes, I’ve been to Hell and I don’t want to go back there.