Six Years

Today is the day.  Six years ago today, Ryan was found in his apartment.  Today is Hell Day. He actually died on the 21st, so yesterday was Hell Day as well. I last saw my son alive on the 19th of this month and his funeral was on the 27th.  Pretty much, all of the last half of September sucks.  I went to work yesterday.  No matter what you do, nothing helps.  You can try to keep busy; that doesn’t work because it just postpones the built up emotions inside of you.  Today is Saturday and I will take the time today to grieve.

I went to a funeral yesterday.  My friend Leona’s ex-husband was murdered in Thunder Bay last week.    I got to know Leona when Ryan died.  She had lost her daughter a few years before;  her daughter, Charity, had also had her life taken away by another.  Leona was introduced to me through our mutual friend, Carol.  Carol, has  lost a son in a car accident and they were supports to each other.  The three of us bonded and they both helped me through the first days, weeks, months of the horrible pain of losing your child.  Both of these beautiful women have contributed their stories to The Cedar Canoe; What Happened to Ryan? 

Ryan, I miss your smiling face so much. It seems like yesterday that your car pulled up outside with the loud music blaring and you came through the front door and said, “Hi mom”.

This is the song I wrote for Ryan.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=105MQlnj1uU&list=FLoK1WnenNkyimF3a1j7T14Q&index=1&feature=plpp_video

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5 thoughts on “Six Years

  1. Shirley
    I can rember when Ryan was comming to the bowling alley to do his comminity hours.He was always nice ,,He said to me one time if possible could I come back and play pool and I had said yes ,,but he never came,I always think what if
    Be strong Cathy I know what you are going through
    Joanne

    • I always think, what if… but there are no what ifs…we just have to go on and try to live life so that next time we don’t have the what ifs. If that’s possible…crazy.

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