On the Beach in Mexico

Sat down under the umbrella

the shade felt good on my face

the sand felt good on my toes

I dug them in and made circles with my feet

A Corona please, with a wedge of lime

and a view of waves rolling in

calming and soothing

then he appeared

and the melody drifted out

above the sound of the waves

and the voices of tourists all around

made me smile

as I sat in the shade on the beach in Mexico

His music is worthy of my dollar

End of the Ryan Tetlock Memorial Award

It was a superb way to remember Ryan and I recommend it to others totally.  My niece, Lisa, suggested it when Ryan died.  Because Ryan died of suicide, I wanted people to remember his great generous side and I wanted his brothers to remember this also.  So the Ryan Tetlock Memorial Award was started at the Red Lake District High School.  Our school gives out more than $40,000.00 a year in scholarships, bursaries and awards.  That is amazing for a small town.   We are fortunate that GoldCorp Inc., the big gold mine here, gives out a lot of money.  There are many businesses that are here and don’t give out squat.

Ryan died in 2006 and since the Memorial Award started, we have given out over $5000.00 to students who have contributed to drug and alcohol abuse or suicide awareness to Katherine Kiewning, Kasey Schnerch, Hilary Harward, Kate Morgan, Michaela James, Matthew Krumennacher.

For me, in my healing journey, the award has come to an end.  I would like to thank those  who have contributed to the award and those who have contributed to the fundraising for the award.

cedar canoe


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Beautiful Vinyls

I picked up some new albums while I was in Saskatchewan!  So happy.  I am listening to the Beach Boys from 1977 while the rain drops fall outside.  What is it that makes you happy when you listen to old tunes?  It’s the memories.  The good memories that bring you back to your youth.

Reminds me of innocent times before life turned real. Life was still a dream back then.  In 1977, I was going to be a teacher, get married and have six children. I was in grade seven and had my favourite teacher, Mr. Bell.

Through the years most of my albums got lost during moves or broken or melted.  Vinyl needs a little bit of care. I saved a few and try to pick up some whenever I can. I love my record player.  My son, Ryan, sister Shirley and my mom bought it for me for my birthday about eleven years ago.  Now Ryan and Shirley are both gone from this world and my mom has dementia.  This record player means a lot and I  use it!

Ahhh, what this generation has missed.  They have tiny little ear buds stuck in their ears attached to little ipods.  Vinyls are so much more pretty.



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Sing to bring awareness to Suicide

I wrote this song a few years ago for Ryan.  I have sung it at the Out of the Darkness Memorial Walk in Red Lake and in Thunder Bay.  I will be singing it again in Thunder Bay, Ontario on May 4th! I think it would be cool to have a whole lot of Red Lakers join me to sing this song and record it somehow and get it out there.  Kind of like a “We are the World” song but for a different cause. If you are interested, please contact me and let’s do it.  I know who all of you musicians are out there.  It’s time to come out of hibernation and help me out! Here’s the song, yes, I’m no professional, but you will get the idea.  I will send you the words and chords if interested.

A New Year of New Things?

I’ve been thinking and thinking.  What should I blog about this year?  In the past I have written about a mish mash  of things.  Should I focus on one topic and go with that?  The theme of the blog is “life after suicide”.  The purpose is to let people into my life and what I go through after having a child end his own life.  I have shared parts of my life such as my poetry, my book, my friends and the activities that I try to do to keep on going.  Sometimes it’s just silly stuff, like making a gingerbread house, sometimes it’s more serious, like ranting about living in the same community with the people who I believe are partly responsible for my son’s death.

What could I focus on?  Hmmmm.  Too much talk about suicide makes me sad.  I love music and trying to play the guitar but I’m no Gene Simmons.  Poetry is how my brain works, but not everyone is into that stuff.  I enjoy painting, but I’m no A.Y. Jackson.  He’s of the Group of Seven, Check them out. I want to save the planet.  I love the outdoors.  I am trying to live the simple, minimal life.  My cultures are very important to me.  Yes I’m a mish mash of that too.  OMG!!!!

I am just too complex to focus on one thing.  Yes that’s it.  I’m a mysterious, complex woman.  And don’t forget passionate. Very passionate.  So I haven’t figured out anything yet and it’s already past the first week of January.

Sorry, the blog will continue on insanely like it always has. There will be some writing, singing, poetry, pictures and of course some rants.

But hey, I’m still surviving life after suicide.

And you can too.



If a tree falls in the forest, does anybody hear?

I had a good discussion with my son tonight about environmental issues.  I don’t know a lot about all of the issues, but I do want to save the planet.  Bruce Cockburn will be performing in our little community this weekend and my son will be volunteering for set up for the event.  He has never heard of Bruce Cockburn!!!!  So I played him the youtube video of Bruce’s bestest ever song “If a Tree Falls in the Forest”.  This song still gives me the chills.

My son wasn’t sure that this song was still relevant today and so I informed him of how I feel it is still relevant…. At this moment, my cousin, is fighting to get some major logging stopped on our family’s trap line.  The trees are being destroyed here in logging and of course then there is Canada’s dirty oil, THE TAR SANDS!

Yes we could go on and on and on….all over the world.

I love the trees.

Here is Bruce Cockburn’s song,  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ErS9HCh8GfE

Watch it and what do you think?

Do you want to look the other way?


Logging has made much of the forests ugly

Logging has made much of the forests ugly




Summer Festivals

This year, Red Lake’s Norseman Festival was a little different than usual.  It has always been held downtown Red Lake in the past.  The street is closed off, vendors set up and the festivities begin.  This year it was held at a local beach.  Unfortunately, the weather has been colder than normal and not that great so that put a bit of a damper on it.   When it was on the street, I felt like I was living in Mardi Gras for a weekend.  Every time I walked out my front door, there was a party going on.  I kind of missed that this year.

We went to Kenora Harbourfest for the August long weekend and had a blast.  Two nights of music and dancing.  It was a lot of fun and the weather wasn’t too bad either.  Kenora has a very good set-up under the big tent.  The bands that we saw were:  Theory of a Dead Man, Faber Drive, Honeymoon Suite, Jefferson Starship and REO Speedwagon.

We were invited over to our friends for a wonderful, yummy BBQ and cocktails. You can see last year’s festival with Burton Cummings here https://momhealing.wordpress.com/wp-admin/post.php?post=634&action=edit

We also toured around the area and looked at the deer, like tourists do, which infuriates the residents because the deer are everywhere and eating everything.  And we took in the car show.  I took pictures of my favourites.

After two nights of partying, I was glad to come home and relax.  Can’t wait for next year!

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I’m the chubby one on the left.

Somchit's shop

Somchit’s shop

My friend, Somchit, has a shop downtown Kenora called Asiana.

Those darned deer

Those darned deer

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The festival is under the big tent.

wakeboarding show

wakeboarding show

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REO Speedwagon, I think

REO Speedwagon, I think

And now, to get working off all of that wine and BBQ….

The Seagull Song

Can you see it?

Can you see it?

This is the seagull song that I wrote a while back.  Sometimes I just stare out the window and I am fortunate to see some beautiful birds and wildlife.  The wildlife is sea doos and wake boarders and the wildlife is seagulls…  okay, I used to hate the seagulls because they are bullies but I have to come to love them as well. 

When I lived at the fish camp as a child, I had to feed the seagulls everyday the leftover fish guts after my parents spent hours cleaning white fish…

Fish Camp 1970's

Fish Camp 1970’s

Anyway, this is the song that I wrote.  In my grief, they do give me peace.


I hope you enjoy it.  Seagull in Ojibway is ki ask.  (long i)