A year ago we moved mom from her home to the Lodge. We lied to her to get her there. It’s cruel but there was no other choice, she would not have moved. She’d been living in her house alone since dad passed and living with dementia. Every day she waited for him to come home, she wasn’t eating very much, bathing very much and didn’t like to have the home support workers come over so she would often lock them out.
I was her primary care giver, making sure she had food, house cleaned, driveway shoveled, lawn mowed etc. Then a room became available at the Lodge, so my brother, Billy, flew to Ontario from BC and we moved mom. We told her that her house needed a new oil tank and she would have to stay at the Lodge for awhile. She agreed to that so we moved her over there and while she wasn’t looking we moved her TV, dresser, a mini fridge and suitcases and bags of her belongings into her room.
We then packed up the house and gave away some things and got it ready to sell. A very emotional time. It was the house we grew up in. You can see all of those blogs:
Mom continually asked when she was going home and was very angry when I told her that the Lodge was her home now. I think I told her that her house was unlivable or not affordable or some lie like that for a while but then I had to tell her the truth. She would yell at me when I went to visit and demand to go home. She would phone me five times a day and yell at me. She would phone me at work and yell at me.
So it’s taken a long time but she is now quite settled. She still demands to move to another apartment at times but she is nicer about it and I just have to tell her that I will look into it. She doesn’t phone as often. I don’t cry as much.
I keep my visits short, and usually before she is about to have a meal so that I can walk her to the dining room before I leave. There are times that we have great visits and just watch TV together or talk about the old days when she was a child. These times are precious! And she will kiss me good-bye and tell me she loves me.
At lot of the times when I get to the Lodge, she is sitting in the common area watching TV with other residents! She is not alone anymore. Lately, I’ve been told that she sits with her friend and plays cards. She has friends now.
I still pick her up and take her out for rides but this has been the coldest winter here in years so we have not been out since Thanksgiving (That’s October in Canada). She had a cold all through the Christmas season. I’ve noticed that she is more frail now than last year, as she is a year older after all, but she is still walking with her cane. She is now 85 and a half.